What NOT to write in your college essays
There are some things you don’t want to include in your college essays!
During the brainstorming stage for personal statement ideas, I always like to tell students that they should pretend that the sky’s the limit and not feel there are topics they should not write about. Of course, I also qualify that there are parameters to adhere to. Additionally, I stand by my philosophy that it’s not so much what one writes about but how one makes of the topic and story.
Still, I have on multiple occasions told students that the topics they have in mind to write about do not quite make the cut, and as I work with some through the editorial process of their essays, there are some things that have to be deleted even if the overall essay topic was previously approved.
I’d like to share a few such cases. It’s not possible to give an exhaustive list but hopefully this short list will serve as good reminders for students to check their essays for such innocent boo-boos. (For more information on what not to write for your college essays, just do a google search.)
Don’t write anything that has any tinge of boasting (especially not of wealth), even if you don’t mean to boast
One student wanted to show his involvement and concern for environmental conservation. He had one sentence that goes, “that is why I drive a Tesla to school instead of a gas-powered car.” Never mind the controversy as to whether electrical cars are truly environmentally green, but how many 12th graders out there have the financial capability to be driving a Tesla to school everyday!
This reminds me of another student a few years ago who tried to talk about how he is a culturally-sensitive person and he mentioned that his parents have taken him on trips to Europe on bespoke culinary experience programs with Michelin-rated chefs doing cooking demonstrations.
Never bring up privilege in your essays. Most of the rest of the world are not in your position and admission committees do not appreciate you distinguishing yourself that way.
Don’t self-deprecate either
Some students like to eat the humble pie, literally, with sentences like, “as a 12th-grader who knows nothing much” or “being a teenager, my world-view is superficial and limited.” Experienced writing teachers and readers can tell the depth and breath of a student’s knowledge base and world view from a student’s writing, there is absolutely no need to put yourself down hoping your humility would gain the goodwill of the admissions readers. It won’t.
Don’t complain or show negativity
One student tried to express her resilience by citing how she survived a very competitive atmosphere at her high school where “everyone tries to outsmart another.” That is not a very nice thing to say about your school. Of course, unless there’s some ranking of “competitiveness” of schools that you can cite, or specific data, making such empty claims will not showcase your resilience; it only shows ignorance or immaturity.
I never approve any student’s essay if there is any possibility of someone reading the essay concluding that’s a cry-baby writing it. Just no complaints, no negativity. Anything that is less than desirable should be written as a solution to the problem or some kind of silver lining.
Don’t use “inappropriate” language
By “inappropriate,” I don’t mean the obvious ones. More commonly seen in a high-schooler’s essay is the use of some very “teenage” or informal phrases like “that is so legit,” “it do be,” “Jeez” or “OMG!” Such phrases do not give a favorably portrayal, even if it’s in a quoted dialogue, unless there is a special point the student is making. There’s a difference between spoken colloquial language and acceptable written language for college essays.
Don’t TELL about your passion, SHOW it
Very much related to the language use, note that there’s no need to say you are “enthralled” or you “absolutely love” or you “have a strong passion” for an academic subject or a certain extracurricular activities. What you write about the things you have done in a certain subject or activity as well as your vision or analysis of the activities and learning would tell a better story than saying, “I so love it.”
Don’t give a whole chronology of your life or all that transpired in the story you want to tell
It is my guess that many schools do not adequately prepare 12-graders to write a compelling narrative that also acts as an expository piece that would reveal a student’s maturity and depth of thinking. Far too often, I see students trying to tell a series of life events instead of reflecting or analyzing those events. Remember, in college essays, “less is more.” I always tell my students that admission readers have thousands of essays to read. Do not expect patience to be a virtue that is upheld when one is in that situation. You only have 650 words. Every sentence must have the ability to make your reader go, “this applicant’s in” or want to go on reading and put the applicant in the “in” pile.
Don’t give excuses
The college essay is not your platform to explain what you did NOT do or why you did not do well. It’s also not a place for you to make comparisons, a la mode de “others have XXX and I do not, yet I could achieve similar.” The colleges do not need you to compare yourself against others. It’s their job during the admissions consideration process.
